How to help someone with depression
11-minute read
If you, or someone you know, is having suicidal thoughts and is in immediate danger, call triple zero (000). For help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Key facts
- If someone you know has depression, it can be hard to know how to help them.
- The best thing you can do is show your support by checking in with them, listening and encouraging them to get help.
- You can encourage them to access resources and support services.
- While you are supporting someone with depression, it's very important to take care of yourself too.
What is depression?
Depression is a mental health condition that causes you to feel sad or have a low mood.
While it is normal to feel down sometimes, if these feelings last for 2 weeks or more, or your mood gets in the way of your day-to-day life, you may be experiencing depression.
Depression affects about 1 in 7 Australians. If you or someone you care about is experiencing an episode of intensely low mood, remember that depression can be treated and support is available. It's important to seek help early.
Read more about depression.
How can I recognise the signs of depression?
If someone you know has depression, they may show some of the following signs for at least 2 weeks, including:
- depressed mood, such as feeling sad or hopeless
- loss of interest and avoidance of activities they usually enjoy
- changes to their appetite or weight
- sleeping too much or too little
- having negative thoughts, where everything seems overwhelming and pointless
- low energy and reduced responsiveness
Everyone experiences depression differently and will show different symptoms. People of different genders may also express symptoms differently. Men are more likely to talk about the physical symptoms of depression such as feeling tired, irritable or angry, rather than saying they feel low and women may be more visibly teary.
Read more on depression in men.
Read more on depression in women.
CHECK YOUR SYMPTOMS — Use the Symptom Checker and find out if you need to seek medical help.
What can I do to help someone with depression?
When someone you know has depression, it can be difficult to know how to best support them. What you find simple may seem overwhelming to them.
It's important to understand that depression isn't something that you can just 'snap out of'. Like any illness, depression needs treatment, and time for recovery.
Recovery from depression is a unique and personal process. The best thing you can do for someone with depression is to be there for them.
Below are some tips on how to support someone with depression.
Listening
You can help someone with depression by giving them a safe space to talk. It's important to:
- check in with them
- offer to talk about how they are feeling
- listen to them and avoid rushing to give advice or judge them
- take their thoughts and feelings seriously
Offering support
People with depression may find it hard to do ordinary tasks, such as:
- cooking dinner
- having a shower
- washing clothes
- attending appointments
- meeting normal expectations at home, school or work.
They may also be unable to do things that they previously enjoyed.
The person may feel like a burden to their friends and family. They may be worried about facing stigma about their illness. This can prevent them from asking for help. You can support them by:
- offering to help them with specific and practical tasks, such as taking them to appointments
- offering company or distraction to take their mind off things, such as going for a walk or dropping off a meal
- showing you care without expectations or pressure — even just checking in regularly
It's always a good idea to ask first before helping them. This way, the person you are supporting has a choice and is not being told what to do. You can also understand what will actually help them during this time. Remind them that:
- you want to help them
- they deserve support
- they are not a burden
- professional help is available and there is nothing wrong with accessing support
- depression is treatable
Sometimes they may reject your help, but even just offering your support and care can make a difference.
Seeking help together
A person with depression may already be receiving help from a doctor or another professional, such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
If they haven't spoken to a doctor about getting professional help, you can encourage them to do so. The best place to start is for them to contact their GP. They can:
- provide them with advice and support
- create a treatment plan
- refer them to other mental health professionals if needed
A mental health professional can:
- provide them with a diagnosis
- talk to them about treatments
- help them find other support services
They can also make an appointment with a psychologist or counsellor without a referral. But, seeing their doctor first means they may be able to get a Mental Health Treatment Plan. This can help cover some of the costs through Medicare. Ask about fees and out-of-pocket costs when booking your appointment.
Someone with depression may feel unmotivated or nervous about getting help. You can offer to find a health professional and help them make an appointment.
If you feel comfortable, you can offer to take them to their appointment and wait with them, or go in with them if they would like support.
The person you care for may not want to get help. If so, it might help to offer them information about what support is available, and how to reach out to support services.
If that doesn't work, give it time. Continue to support them by checking in on a regular basis. Keep gently bringing up the idea of getting more support. Even if it doesn't feel like it, your support is likely to be having a positive impact.
FIND A HEALTH SERVICE — The Service Finder can help you find doctors, pharmacies, hospitals and other health services.
Supporting their recovery
People with depression may feel unmotivated to follow their treatment or recovery plan. You can help support their recovery.
Treatment for depression can include medicines and therapy. Encourage them to take their medicine. It can take weeks to months for some antidepressants to be fully effective.
Some people want to stop taking medicines due to unpleasant side effects, or when they feel better. They should talk to their doctor or mental health professional first.
ASK YOUR DOCTOR — Preparing for an appointment? Use the Question Builder for general tips on what to ask your GP or specialist.
You can help someone with depression by encouraging them to:
- do regular exercise
- eat healthy food
- drink less alcohol
- get enough sleep
- practise relaxation techniques, such as mindfulness or gratitude journaling
- do activities they find meaningful or enjoyable
- stay connected with others and their community
How can I talk to someone with depression?
It can be difficult to speak to someone with a mental illness. It is important that you make them feel supported and comfortable.
Before speaking to someone who has depression, ask yourself some key questions:
- Am I ready — are you in a good headspace, and do you have the time?
- Am I prepared — are you ready for a difficult conversation where you don't have the answers?
- Have I picked a good moment — have you chosen somewhere comfortable to talk, and an appropriate time?
If you feel ready to talk, you can:
- ask how they are doing
- let them know you care about them, your concerns and what you've noticed about their behaviour
- let them know that you are ready to listen when they feel ready to talk
If the person does not want to talk, you can let them know that they can speak to you if, and when, they ever want to. Ask them if they would prefer to speak to someone else.
If they do want to talk, listen openly. Don't offer advice or judgement — instead, use open questions (questions that can't be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'), such as:
- How can I support you?
- How do you feel about that?
- I feel as though you have been doing better. What do you think? Have you noticed any small changes?
- What would you like to do together to take your mind off things?
Validate their feelings with responses such as 'I can hear that this has been very difficult for you'. If you don't understand something they have told you, you can ask, 'Have I understood that correctly?'.
How can I address talk of suicide?
If you are worried someone is feeling suicidal, it is okay to ask them directly. Asking them if they are safe won't put ideas in their heads. It will make them feel heard, understood and cared for.
Take any talk about suicide seriously. A number of support services can help someone who is feeling suicidal.
If you, or someone you know, is having suicidal thoughts and is in immediate danger, call triple zero (000). For help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
How can I look after myself?
The symptoms of depression can also affect the person's family and friends. Looking after your own physical and emotional needs is very important. This helps you to continue to support your loved one throughout their illness and recovery. Make sure you take time out and continue to prioritise things you enjoy.
If you are supporting someone with depression, it's important to look after yourself by:
- setting realistic boundaries around what you are able to do
- making sure support is shared with others so you're not carrying it alone
- sleeping well
- eating healthily and exercising
- doing activities that you enjoy
You may want to seek support for yourself too.
Resources and support
There are resources available with more information on caring for someone experiencing depression:
- You can visit the Carer Gateway to get tips for carers on how to keep physically and mentally healthy or call them on 1800 422 737.
- Beyond Blue has information about supporting someone with depression or anxiety.
- Follow this link for healthdirect's list of mental health helplines.
- The Mental Health First Aid Guidelines provide information on how to talk to someone with depression.
If you are supporting someone with depression, you can get support for yourself:
- SANE has free telephone and online support services for family, friends and carers of people with mental health needs.
- Mental Health Carers Australia provides specialist mental health support to families, carers and their friends.
Supporting a child with depression can be difficult for parents and carers. There are resources available to help you as you help your child:
- Find support for yourself while caring for a child with depression on ReachOut Australia's website for Parents and Carers. ReachOut also has many school resources for student wellbeing.
- Beyond Blue also has support on parenting and mental health.
- headspace has resources and example questions for how to talk to your child about their mental health.
- Learn about mental health and raising children with Beyond Blue.
QLife provides a counselling and referral service for LGBTQI+ people. You can refer someone to call them on 1800 184 527.
If you are concerned that someone is suicidal, there are crisis lines available. You can call:
You can also call the healthdirect helpline on 1800 022 222 (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). A registered nurse is available to speak with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Languages other than English
- Embrace Multicultural Mental Health has services and information available.
- This Way Up has translated resources on mental health topics.
- The Transcultural Mental Health Centre has translated mental health resources in over 40 languages.
Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples
- For more information on mental health and wellbeing for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoplesvisit the Black Dog Institute.
- Beyond Blue has information on how depression affects Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples.
- 13YARN — for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples in crisis and need support — call 13 92 76.
- WellMob has online resources to support mental health.