What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the way we think about ourselves and the value we place on ourselves. Your self-esteem can impact many parts of your life.

While we all criticise ourselves from time to time, you may have low self-esteem if you:

• often think badly about yourself
• often judge yourself negatively
• have trouble believing good things about yourself

Self-esteem is different from self-confidence. Your self-confidence relates to your ability to do a certain thing. It is normal to feel confident in some areas of your life and less so in others.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

Some signs of low self-esteem include:

• often saying negative things and being critical about yourself
• focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements
• thinking other people are better than you
• thinking you don't deserve to enjoy yourself
• finding it difficult to accept compliments
• avoiding challenges for fear of failing
• finding it difficult to make friends

What causes low self-esteem?

Your self-esteem can be affected by factors such as:

• your confidence — not feeling secure in yourself and in your life
• your identity — you may have doubts about your gender, sexuality or body
• your sense of belonging — feeling like you don't belong when you are with family, friends, at school or at work

Low self-esteem may also stem from experiences in childhood or adolescence such as:

• being bullied or not fitting in at school
• receiving too much criticism and not enough support from your parents or carers
• being neglected or abused
• comparing yourself to others on social media
• doing poorly at school
• stressful life events such as divorce or moving home
• chronic (long term) medical problems

What are the effects of low self-esteem?

If you, or someone you know, is having suicidal thoughts and is in immediate danger, call triple zero (000). For help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

If you have low self-esteem, you may feel:

• sad or depressed
• insecure
• anxious
• ashamed
• angry
• worthless

You may also:

• have difficulty with relationships
• have low motivation
• struggle to cope with challenges in your life
• avoid activities where you may be judged by other people
• use alcohol or drugs to feel better or to fit in
• have poor body image

Young people with low self-esteem may engage in sexual activity earlier than their peers.

Low self-esteem is associated with mental health issues, like:

• depression
• anxiety
• eating disorders
• antisocial behaviour
• substance abuse
• suicidal thoughts

You may be more likely to have low self-esteem if you have a mental health problem.

How can I improve my self-esteem?

To improve your self-esteem, try to challenge and reality check your negative thoughts. You can change the way you think by:

• focusing on things you are good at — think about your strengths, abilities and achievements. We all have them, you are no different.
• focusing on what you can change — try not to worry about things outside your control.
• celebrating the small things — congratulate yourself when you achieve something, no matter how small.
• making an effort to be kind to yourself — take notice when you are using negative self-talk and try giving yourself positive affirmations instead.
• forgiving yourself for mistakes — everyone makes mistakes.
• avoiding comparing yourself to others — everyone is different.

There are some practical things you can do to boost your self-esteem, like:

• doing things you enjoy — it's easier to feel positive when you are having fun
• spending time with people who support you and lift you up
• exercising
• trying relaxation techniques like meditation

How can I improve my child's self-esteem?

As a parent or carer, you can have a big impact on your child's self-esteem.

If you have a child in your care, there are ways you can protect and support their self-esteem:

• Support your child's goals and speak with them about their interests — it is OK if they have different interests from you.
• Encourage them to try new things and solve problems on their own — make sure they know that it is OK to ask for help.
• Focus on your child's strengths and efforts — tell them that it is OK to make mistakes or not be good at something.
• Help your child work through tricky feelings — make sure they know that emotions are normal.
• Make time for your child to see you, your family and friends — this can help them feel a sense of belonging.
• Remind your child that you love them no matter what — this can help them feel valued no matter how successful they are at something.

If you notice your child is speaking about themselves negatively, challenge their thoughts. Encourage them to find positive things about themselves. Focus on good things about your child that are true.

It's also important to set a good example for your child. You can let them see you taking care of your own self-esteem by:

• speaking positively about yourself
• taking time to do activities that you enjoy
• spending time with people who are supportive
• avoiding speaking negatively about your body or another person's body

When should I see my doctor?

If your or your child's low self-esteem doesn't improve and is affecting day-to-day activities, it's important to seek help.

You can talk to your doctor or a mental health professional such as a psychologist.

Resources and support

If you'd like to find out more or talk to someone else, here are some organisations that can help:

• Lifeline — for anyone experiencing a crisis or thinking about suicide, call 13 11 14 or chat online.
• Suicide Call Back Service — for anyone thinking about suicide, call 1300 659 467.
• MindSpot — for anyone suffering from anxiety or depression, call 1800 61 44 34.
• Beyond Blue — for anyone feeling depressed or anxious, call 1300224636 or chat online.
• MensLine Australia — telephone and online counselling for men, call 1300 78 99 78.
• SANE Australia — for mental health information, peer support and counselling.
• Black Dog Institute — online help for people affected by depression and extreme mood swings.

If you are a young person or the parent of a young person, you can find support through:

• Kids Helpline — telephone and online counselling for young people and parents of young people aged 5 to 25, call 1800 55 1800.
• ReachOut — online mental health services for young people and their parents.
• headspace — mental health information and online and phone support for young people and their families.

Languages other than English

There are mental health services available for people who speak a language other than English.

• The Embrace Multicultural Mental Health website has mental health information in multiple languages.
• Transcultural Mental Health Centre has many resources about wellbeing and mental health in different languages.
• Beyond Blue has translated mental health resources.

Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people

If you are an Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander person, you can:

• call 13YARN on 13 92 76 for free and confidential crisis support
• visit Yarn Safe for mental health information and resources
• visit Wellmob for information and resources on social, emotional and cultural wellbeing

For advice and to get connected to local mental health services, call Medicare Mental Health on 1800 595 212. Check the operating times.

You can also call the healthdirect helpline on 1800 022 222 (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). A registered nurse is available to speak with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.