How can I support someone with mental illness?

If you care for someone with a mental illness it can be challenging.

It's OK to feel a range of emotions when someone you care about is diagnosed with a mental illness. You may feel affected in many ways. You may feel:

• fearful
• confused
• guilt and shame
• uncertain
• helpless
• frustrated and angry

Caring for someone with a mental illness can change the relationship you have with them.

It is also normal to feel contradictory feelings. You may be grateful they are getting help, and angry for the way mental illness is affecting their life and yours.

You may also experience grief and loss for:

• the relationship you may have had previously
• the future you imagined for them
• the future you imagined for yourself

There are ways you can support them, as well as take care of yourself.

Caring for someone with a mental illness might mean:

• providing with support and company when needed
• providing more support than anticipated by being there physically
• doing all the daily chores
• organising their appointments and work/leisure schedules

Recovery from mental illness can be a long process. It's not always straight forward. People with mental illness may experience fluctuations (ups and downs) in their:

• symptoms
• emotions
• ability to function in everyday life

It's normal for your role and feelings to change depending on their state of health.

Mental illness can make even the smallest tasks feel impossible. When caring for a person with mental illness, you may take on responsibilities that they may have been capable of themselves, if they were not experiencing mental health problems.

What do I need to know about the person's mental illness?

Every mental health condition is different.

Try to learn about your loved one's mental illness, including:

• the symptoms they might experience
• possible treatments
• common side effects of medicines

This can help you:

• understand what they are going through
• feel more confident in your role as a support person
• teach other members of your loved one's support system about their illness
• participate in your loved one's ongoing care with their consent

Everyone's experience with mental illness will be different.

Recovery may include trying different therapies or medicines. These may work differently for everyone. Be patient with your loved one and yourself throughout this process.

How do I talk to someone about their mental illness?

Talking to your loved one about their mental illness can help them feel supported and less alone while they recover. Simply letting them know that you are there for them can make a difference.

Here are some tips for talking to your loved one about their mental illness:

• Plan the conversation in advance — think about a time and place where you both feel comfortable.
• Be a safe space for the person — have patience and be non-judgmental.
• Acknowledge their feelings — don't ignore them or pretend everything is OK.
• Remind them that you love them and are there for them, and they are not a burden — they may feel guilty about needing support.

It's normal to want to problem solve, offer advice or share your own experiences with your loved one. However, they may want you to just listen to them. It's important for them to feel seen and heard. If you have something you want to share, ask them first.

It can be hard to understand what your loved one is going through. Focus on your own feelings to avoid blaming or misunderstanding the person. Instead of saying 'You are making me worried', try 'I am feeling worried'. Instead of saying 'You need to talk to me', try 'I would like to listen to you'.

It's also important to validate your loved one's feelings. This can:

• help them feel seen
• help them to not feel ashamed
• show that you care

To validate someone's feelings, you do not have to understand or agree with them. You can focus on validating what is true. You can say things like:

• 'it makes sense why you feel that way'
• 'that sounds challenging'
• 'I can see that you are upset'

How can I help someone with a mental illness?

As someone who knows them well, you can play an important role in the person's care. There are several ways you can support them.

Spend time with them

It is important to remember that your loved one is more than their mental illness.

Try to:

• remind them about the things they enjoy
• remind them of who they are outside of their mental illness
• participate in their interests
• speak to them about everyday topics

This is important to help them separate their identity from their illness and help them recover.

Offer your support

You can let your loved one know that you want to support them in the way that is most helpful.

At times, they may be too overwhelmed to know what support they need. Other times, they may feel ashamed to ask for help. If you don't know what to do, small actions can help. You can try:

• bringing them a glass of water
• unpacking their dishwasher
• sending them messages if you are not with them, even if they don't respond

Small acts of support can show that you care. This can help them to feel safe and seen. There are also practical ways that you can support someone recovering from a mental illness. They may find everyday tasks overwhelming. Eating well and living in a pleasant environment can help them recover.

You can offer to help with:

• preparing meals
• shopping
• cleaning

Get professional support

Caring for a loved one with a mental illness is a lot to do by yourself. People with mental illness may also need support from a mental health professional. You can help your loved one recover by encouraging them to seek the help they need. To start, they can talk to their doctor. They can refer them to a:

• a counsellor
• a psychologist or psychiatrist
• a social worker

A mental health professional can help your loved one develop a mental health treatment plan.

Seeking help for a mental illness can be challenging, but there are ways you can support them. Ask your loved one if:

• you can help with searching for support from a mental health professional
• they would like help making an appointment
• they would like you to attend their medical appointments with them

If your loved one is receiving treatment in a hospital or mental health facility, you can help them plan for going home. Ask if you can attend a discharge planning meeting, with their consent.

You can read about talking to your doctor about mental health.

Make a plan

People with a mental illness may experience periods of emotional pain that can be very overwhelming.

Having a safety plan can help you be aware of the warning signs that your loved one is becoming unwell. This can include if they are having suicidal thoughts.

A mental health safety plan including these details can be very helpful. It can contain tools and strategies to help people cope and get through a crisis.

Encourage your loved one to make a safety plan and share it with you. They may also appreciate your help in making the plan. You might include healthy coping mechanisms they've used effectively in the past. If your loved one has made a safety plan, keep it somewhere that's easily accessible.

You can use Lifeline's Beyond Now suicide safety planning app.

How do I look after myself while caring for someone with a mental illness?

Caring for someone with a mental illness can be challenging. It can depend on:

• your relationship with the person
• their specific mental health condition
• your situation
• who else is a part of your loved one's support network

Remember to look after your own physical and emotional needs. This way, you can care for your loved one throughout their illness and recovery. It is true that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Your mental health

Caring for someone with a mental illness can increase your own risk of developing a mental health condition. So it's important to take time out and engage with things you enjoy.

Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings, and the effect of your loved one's illness on your own life. You can consider sharing your feelings with:

• a friend or family member
• your doctor
• a mental health professional

You may find it helpful to join a support group for carers of people with a mental illness.

Set boundaries with the person you are caring for. If you offer them support, be clear about what you can and can't do to help. While it can be difficult and cause feelings of guilt, it's important to set boundaries.

By setting boundaries, you can be at your best to care for your loved one. This can also teach your loved on that it is okay for them to set their own boundaries.

Your physical health

You will need to look after your own needs. Try to:

• get enough sleep
• follow a balanced diet
• do physical activity
• make time for your own interests

You can even do some of these things with the person you are caring for. You can try:

• cooking a healthy meal together
• going for a walk together
• doing an activity together that you both enjoy

You may also want some time to yourself — that is important and OK.

What do I do if I am struggling to care for someone with a mental illness?

If your loved one needs a lot of support, you may need to give yourself a break. There are ways you can focus on your own needs while knowing that the person is being well cared for.

You can speak to the other people in your loved one's life about how they can give support or help you with care.

You can also speak to your loved one and their healthcare team about a temporary stay at a hospital or mental health facility. For some people, this may be the safest option. Inpatient programs can help a person recover from mental illness with care from qualified professionals in a safe environment. A psychiatrist may participate in decision making about admission to a hospital or mental health facility.

Respite care

If you find yourself unable to care for your loved one, respite care with a qualified carer may be arranged. Support for respite care may be available via My Aged Care or National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) services. You can visit Carer Gateway to find respite care in your area.

What are my rights when caring for someone with a mental illness?

As a mental health carer, there are many services available to support you. Some of these payments and services are national, while others are state- or territory-based.

You can read more about your healthcare rights.

Carer payments

You may be eligible for Centrelink payments, depending on your situation.

There are two main Centrelink payments for carers looking after people unable to care for themselves due to illness, disability, or ageing. These are:

• Carer Payment — available to eligible people caring full time
• Carer Allowance — available to eligible people providing extra daily care (not full-time care)

People eligible for either of these payments may also receive the Carer Supplement. This is an annual lump sum to help cover the costs of caring.

You can visit the Services Australia website for more information and to check your eligibility.

Rights at work

Your employer is not allowed to discriminate against you for being a carer. You have the right to ask your employer about a working schedule that will suit your needs. You can read more about flexible working arrangements on the Fairwork Ombudsman website.

You're also entitled to take leave to support a family or household member who is unwell. As a carer, you may be able to take paid or unpaid leave. Visit the Fairwork Ombudsman website for more information about your options.

It's a good idea to discuss your situation with your employer. Then you can find a way to balance your work and caring responsibilities.

You can read more about working while caring on the Carer Gateway website.

Other support

Your loved one may be eligible for other support such as home help or meal services through:

• Carer Gateway
• My Aged Care
• the NDIS
• other state- or territory-based services

You can read about available support on the Services Australia website.

Transport

You, or the person you care for, may qualify for free or subsidised public transport or taxis. Carers may be eligible for free travel with a Companion Card.

Each state and territory has a taxi voucher scheme. Visit Carer gateway for more information about travel and links to each state's scheme. You can also check your loved one's eligibility.

Resources and support

If you or someone you know needs mental health support, there are organisations that can help.

• Contact Medicare Mental Health for advice and to get connected to local mental health services — call 1800 595 212. Check the operating times.
• Access SANE Australia's range of free mental health supports on their website.
• Services Australia has information about Australian Government payments and services for carers, including links to additional services provided by states and territories.
• Carer Gateway provides services such as carer-support planning, counselling, peer support, carer-directed funding packages and emergency respite — call 1800 422 737.
• Carers Australia provides many services for carers including counselling, advocacy, education and training.
• Mental Health Carers Australia provides specialist mental health support to families, carers and their friends.

Languages other than English

• You can visit Embrace Multicultural Mental Health for information in multiple languages.
• Beyond Blue has mental health information in different languages.
• Transcultural Mental Health provides information and services in languages other than English.
• This Way Up has mental health resources in languages other than English.

Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples

• 13YARN has mental health support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Call 13 YARN (13 92 76) to speak with a crisis supporter.
• Beyond Blue also has helpful contacts for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people.

You can also call the healthdirect helpline on 1800 022 222 (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). A registered nurse is available to speak with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.