Emotional abuse
6-minute read
If you are worried that you or someone you know might be in danger, call triple zero (000) at once. For more help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Key facts
- Emotional abuse is when someone repeatedly tries to make you feel bad, unloved or worthless.
- It includes insults and threats, restricting your freedom, embarrassing you in public and bullying.
- It can happen in any relationship, especially between partners or family members.
- Emotional abuse can lead to physical and mental health problems.
- In children, it can affect their emotional growth and social life.
What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is when someone repeatedly tries to make you doubt your worth. Emotional abuse can make you feel:
- worthless unless you are meeting another person's needs
- scared or threatened
- unloved
People who use emotional abuse aim to manipulate or control another person. Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or maltreatment.
Sometimes, emotional abuse happens together with another type of abuse, such as physical abuse or sexual abuse.
If you are being emotionally abused, it's not your fault.
It doesn't matter who is doing the abuse — it's always wrong, and is never deserved. You aren't alone, and support is available.
Who is at risk of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is one of the most common forms of abuse in any relationship, especially between partners or family members. Anyone can experience emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is more commonly experienced by females. In Australia, around 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males experience emotional abuse by their partner at some time in their lives.
It's also one of the most common types of child abuse in Australia. Emotional abuse happens equally to male and female children.
It can happen at any age, including to older people. It can also happen in schools and in workplaces.
If you have a disability, you are more likely to be emotionally abused by your partner or a family member.
How can I recognise signs of emotional abuse?
There are many different types of emotional abuse. If you are being emotionally abused by someone, such as a partner or family member, you may notice that they:
- verbally abuse you — such as screaming, swearing or insulting you
- isolate you — limiting where you go, what you do and who you meet
- use financial abuse — controlling or taking your money or belongings
- humiliate you — trying to make people think badly of you, embarrassing, scaring or blaming you in public
- bully you — deliberately doing or saying things to hurt you and make you feel bad or not enough
- use coercive control — threatening, isolating, and manipulating you
- gaslight you — lying to make you doubt your own thoughts
Emotional abuse of a child may include:
- not showing them love or responding to their needs
- insulting, criticising or blaming the child
- expecting the child to do things they are not capable of doing
- exposing them to domestic violence
- stopping them from learning or socialising with others
- involving them in harmful activities, such as drug abuse or crime
What are the signs that someone is being emotionally abused?
If you are worried that you or someone you know might be in danger, call triple zero (000) at once.
It can be hard to tell if someone you know is being emotionally abused. You might suspect it if their partner or another family member often:
- criticises them
- insults them
- always wants to know where they are or using tracking apps on their phone
You might notice a change in their behaviour. They may:
- seem less sure of themselves
- be unwilling to talk about things
- apologise often, even though they haven't done anything wrong
What are the effects of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse can have devastating effects on your mental health and wellbeing. It can lead to:
- difficulty with trust and relationships
- anxiety and depression
- insomnia
- low self-esteem
- suicidal thoughts
- eating disorders
- substance abuse
Emotional abuse can also lead to physical health problems, such as:
Emotional abuse of children can have serious effects on their development. These effects can continue into adult life. Children who suffer emotional abuse have a higher risk of:
- aggressive behaviour
- mental health problems including eating disorders, anxiety and depression
- slow growth
- sleep problems and bedwetting
- substance abuse
- migraines
What should I do if I am experiencing emotional abuse?
If you are experiencing any sort of abuse, you can speak with your doctor. They can refer you for help from a mental health professional, such as a:
Your doctor can also refer you to domestic violence services in your area.
Resources and support
If you are experiencing emotional abuse, it's important to have support. You can talk to a trusted friend or relative, your doctor or a counsellor.
You can call the National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). The hotline is available from anywhere in Australia.
If you are a child, teenager or young adult experiencing emotional abuse, call the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. They can offer confidential counselling services.
If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. For more help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Go to Services Australia for a list of other support services and helplines that may be helpful.
For advice and to be connected to local mental health services, call Medicare Mental Health on 1800 595 212.
You can also call the healthdirect helpline on 1800 022 222 (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). A registered nurse is available to speak with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Support for people with a disability
If you are a person with a disability who has experienced emotional abuse, you can download the Sunny app. Sunny is free to download and has been developed by 1800RESPECT.
You can also report abuse to the National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline on 1800 880 052.
The New South Wales Ageing and Disability Abuse Helpline is also available on 1800 628 221.
Support for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people
Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people can call 13 YARN (13 92 76) for confidential support.
Support for people who speak a language other than English
The Health Translations website has information in languages other than English.
- What is emotional abuse? (video)
- Signs of bullying (factsheet)
- What to do if you are being bullied (factsheet)
- You have the right to feel safe at home (wallet card)
- Recognising domestic, family and sexual violence (factsheet)
- How to get help if you experience family violence or sexual violence (guide)