What is bullying?

Bullying is when people use words or actions on purpose to hurt an individual or a group, either physically, socially, psychologically or over the internet. They repeat this behaviour again and again. They usually want to make the person or group feel less powerful or helpless.

Bullying can happen anywhere and at all ages and stages of life, including:

• at school
• at work
• at home
• online
• by text messaging or email

Bullying can come in different forms, all of which can cause distress and pain for the person or group being bullied.

Conflict or disagreement between equals, even if unkind, is not bullying — it's the pattern of the behaviour that defines bullying, not the actions alone.

What are different types of bullying?

There are many different types of bullying, but the main types can be divided into:

• verbal bullying — name-calling, teasing, insulting or threatening someone with harm
• physical bullying — fighting, poking, hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, tripping or pushing someone, stealing or breaking someone’s things, pulling faces or making rude hand signals
• social bullying — lying, spreading rumours, making mean jokes, leaving someone out on purpose or embarrassing someone in public
• cyberbullying — using technology such as email, mobile phones, chat rooms or social media to hurt someone by sending hurtful messages, pictures or comments

Bullying behaviour also happens at work and can be physically, mentally or socially threatening. It can include:

• intimidation
• threats
• exclusion
• verbal or physical abuse

What is the difference between bullying and harassment?

Bullying is different from harassment. Harassment, including sexual harassment, is any unwelcome behaviour that offends, humiliates, or intimidates someone. It can occur between strangers or between people who spend time together more often.

Unlike bullying, harassment does not need to be ongoing or repeated behaviour, it can be a single event. While harassment can be part of bullying, not all harassment is bullying.

Why do people bully?

There are different reasons why people bully, including:

• wanting to control others and improve their social status
• having low self-esteem and wanting to feel better about themselves
• having a lack of guilt and awareness or failing to see their behaviour as a problem
• feeling angry, frustrated or jealous
• struggling socially
• being the victim of bullying themselves

Children who bully may:

• enjoy getting their own way
• like conflict and aggression
• be thoughtless, rather than hurtful on purpose
• have difficulties with health, schoolwork and self-esteem
• be emotionally neglected, bullied, abused or experiencing violence themselves

Bullies are more likely to have lifelong issues such as depression or problems with aggression.

Children can take on different roles in different situations. People (including children) who are bullied in one situation may be the bully in another.

What are the signs of bullying?

Bullying affects people in different ways. Some common signs of bullying include:

• being unusually secretive and quiet
• appearing oversensitive or weepy, or having angry outbursts
• not sleeping properly
• having physical injuries, for example bruises, cuts or scratches
• becoming isolated, withdrawn, or losing interest in normal activities
• pain, such as headaches or stomach aches
• receiving more messages than usual via social media

What are the signs my child is being bullied?

Signs your child is possibly being bullied include any of the above, as well as:

• not wanting to go to school or having no friends
• having damaged or missing belongings
• a child who has been toilet trained starts to wet their bed again
• receiving more messages than usual via social media

Many children don't tell anyone they're being bullied because they may feel:

• weak
• ashamed
• frightened it will make the situation worse
• afraid of getting the bully into trouble

Bullying can happen to anyone at any stage of life, but it might look different at each age.

How might bullying affect me or my child?

Bullying affects everyone differently. Sometimes bullying has a physical impact. If you're being bullied you may also feel:

• guilty because you think it's your fault
• hopeless because you don't know how to get out of the situation
• alone, with no one to help you
• depressed and rejected by others
• unsafe and afraid
• confused and stressed
• ashamed or embarrassed that it's happening to you

Bullying can affect your mental health whatever your age. In children it can lead to:

• loneliness
• anxiety
• depression

People who are bullied in the workplace may also experience depression and have suicidal thoughts.

Remember, you have a right to feel safe and be treated with fairness and respect. Find out more about your rights on the Australian Human Rights Commission website.

How can bullying be stopped?

If bullying is not managed appropriately and stopped, it can add to a culture where bullying is allowed. When this happens, people may feel like they can't speak up or make it stop.

If you are the person being bullied, you may need to use a few different strategies, such as:

• talking to a person you trust
• bringing someone you trust with you when you seek help or talk to the bully
• seeking help from an agency or support service, such as those listed below

If you feel safe and confident, you can approach the bully about why their behaviour is not okay.

We have a responsibility to respect and protect the rights of others. A bystander is someone who sees or knows about bullying that is happening to someone else. Find out more about your rights as a bystander on the Australian Human Rights Commission website.

If your child is being bullied:

• help your child stay focused on finding a solution
• assure your child it is not their fault
• talk to your child about different ways to respond to the bully, and practise with role play
• let your child know you will speak to their school

If bullying is violent or threatening, call triple zero (000) and ask for the police.

Your employer has a legal responsibility to provide a safe workplace and a duty of care when it comes to your health and wellbeing at work. You can read more about workplace bullying on the healthdirect workplace bullying page, or the Fair Work Commission's website.

Resources and support

If you have been bullied, or you have seen others being bullied, help is available.

• Lifeline (13 11 14) is a free and confidential service staffed by trained telephone counsellors.
• The Australian Human Rights Commission (1300 656 419) has a complaint handling service. It can investigate complaints of discrimination, harassment and bullying.

Help for parents of children being bullied

• The Australian Institute of Family Studies has a guide for helping your child stop bullying.
• Bullying No Way is a web resource for young people.
• Kids Help Line (1800 551 800) is a free and confidential telephone counselling service for 5 to 25 year olds in Australia.

Help for bullying in the workplace

• SafeWork Australia has many resources on preventing and responding to workplace bullying.
• If you are being bullied at work or want more information, check the Fair Work Ombudsman's Bullying in the workplace website.

Help for cyberbullying

• Office of the eSafety Commissioner helps victims of cyberbullying.

Languages other than English

Bullying No Way has fact sheets on bullying in a range of community languages:

• signs of bullying
• some facts about bullying and violence
• types of bullying

Fair Work Commission has translated information in community languages about workplace regulations.

Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples

• The Office of the eSafety Commissioner has resources to help understand how to stay safe online for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people.
• Bully Master is an online video about bullying and how to prevent it.
• Bullying No Way has resources for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people, including information for schools, students, families and carers.

Information for sexually and gender-diverse families

• QLife offers counselling and a referral service for LGBTIQA+ people — call 1800 184 527 or chat online.