Helping your child through puberty
10-minute read
Key facts
- During puberty, your teen will go through physical and emotional changes.
- Rapid brain development during puberty affects the way teenagers interact with others and how they identify and express their emotions.
- This can be challenging for young people and their families, particularly parents.
- Good communication, role modelling and setting boundaries can help parents and teens navigate this time.
- If your child is struggling with emotional changes during puberty, resources and support networks are available.
What emotional changes should I expect during my child's teenage years?
Supporting your child through their teenage years can be both difficult and rewarding. Both males and females experience changes during this time that are:
- physical
- hormonal
- emotional
These changes are a normal part of the process known as puberty.
Typically, girls begin puberty at around 8 to 13 years of age, while boys often begin puberty at around 11 to 12 years old. However, everyone is different. Your child will grow and develop at their own pace.
Changes that occur during puberty may also trigger changes in your child's behaviour. Your teen may interact with family and friends differently.
Emotional changes during the teen years vary widely from person to person and over time.
Your teen may:
- develop a greater sense of self and identity
- develop a stronger need for social connections outside your family
- begin to take more sexual interest in other people
- feel more self-conscious about how they look
- feel more empowered to take on new responsibilities and make their own decisions
- seek independence in some aspects of their lives
Other teens may feel confused and frustrated when they are unable to reach their goals and may feel negative emotions.
During puberty, your teenager will likely have changes to their:
- moods
- energy levels
- sleep patterns
This may create difficulties for your relationship with them. These emotional changes are an important, normal part of your teenager's growth. You, and other adults in your teen's life, can help them navigate puberty by showing:
- patience
- curiosity
- support
- understanding
What causes my teen's mood to change?
Your teen's moods can change quickly during puberty. This happens for a few reasons:
- Hormones — changing levels of hormones like estrogen and testosterone can affect emotions and sometimes lead to mood swings.
- Brain changes — the parts of the brain that control feelings and decision-making grow at different speeds. This can make emotions feel stronger and harder to manage.
- Sleep — many teens stay up late because their body clock shifts. Less sleep or poor sleep can make them feel sad, tired or irritable.
- Social life — friendships, schoolwork and online life all affect mood. Spending lots of time on social media has been linked to feeling more worried or down.
Every teen is different. For most, these changes are normal and pass with time.
How can I support my teen through puberty?
The emotional demands that occur during the teenage years may be stressful for your child.
They can include:
- peer pressure
- academic demands
- comparison — noticing differences between themselves and others
The physical changes they experience during puberty can also be overwhelming or scary. Stress can significantly impact how their brain develops. It's important to support your teen during this time by:
- helping them understand the effects of puberty on their bodies and emotions
- communicating with them openly and with curiosity
- encouraging positive behaviour
Your teen's environment will influence how they think, feel and act.
Introduce and encourage your child to take part in a range of activities and positive experiences within and outside of school. This supports their development.
Sleep
Your child will need more sleep during their teenage years, and their sleep patterns may also change. This is because their body begins making the sleep hormone (melatonin) later in the day. Your teen may:
- not feel tired until later in the evening
- find waking up early more difficult than before
You can help your teenager get enough sleep by encouraging them to develop a regular sleep schedule.
Read more on sleep.
Eating well
As your teen grows during puberty, they may feel hungry more often. The emotional changes of puberty and your child's body image can also impact their eating habits. Healthy eating is important for their growth and development.
Your teen may become independent and want to make their own food choices. It's important for you to:
- help them adopt healthy habits
- be a good role model for healthy eating and lifestyle
Read more on healthy eating.
Are my teen's mood swings normal?
Mood swings are a normal part of the teenage years and puberty. To support your teen through mood swings, try to:
- keep calm and let them know you want to understand their feelings
- give them space to process their feelings
- help your child solve problems, but don't try to fix things for them
It's also important to keep track of your child's emotions. This is because long periods of mood changes may be a sign of something more serious, such as a mental health issue.
There are 3 key things to watch for when tracking your child's mood swings:
- Duration (how long) — does your child's low mood last longer than 2 weeks?
- Severity (how strong) — are there major changes in their thoughts, feelings or behaviour?
- Impact (how it affects them) — is their mood making it hard for them at home, at school or with friends?
If you are worried that your child is experiencing something more than just a teenage mood swing, seek support from your doctor or the resources below.
FIND A HEALTH SERVICE — The Service Finder can help you find doctors, pharmacies, hospitals and other health services.
How can I deal with heated arguments?
During their teenage years, you and your child may argue more — this is common.
Mood changes and your attempts to guide their decisions can both lead to arguments. During puberty, your teen may:
- want to become more independent
- develop their identity
- question different points of view
So, your input may not be what they want to hear.
Try to remember that:
- your child does not mean to upset you
- they might not realise how their words affect you
- conflict is usually at its worst during teenage years, and is a sign that your child is maturing
It's important to be a positive role model for your child. Try to demonstrate positive ways of dealing with difficult emotions and resolving conflicts:
- Keep calm even when you are angry.
- Listen to your child and avoid interrupting them.
- Try to understand their perspective, even if you have a different opinion.
- Be open with your own feelings and explain how their behaviour affects you.
- Admit when you are wrong, without making excuses and apologise.
- Maintain your boundaries and expectations while giving your teen opportunities to express their independence in a safe and healthy way.
These actions will help your child learn clear and positive communication. It will also help them understand and respond to emotions.
How can I manage violent behaviour?
If there is violence and aggression in your family, or if you feel unsafe or if anyone is at immediate risk of harm, call triple zero (000).
Sometimes teenagers respond violently or aggressively because they struggle to manage their own emotions.
If your child is showing aggressive behaviour:
- Ensure that you and those around you are safe.
- Give your child space to calm down and remove anyone who is making the situation worse.
- Make it clear that violence and aggression towards anyone is unacceptable.
Always respond to any kind of aggression respectfully and calmly. This will help them learn to communicate in non-violent ways.
Set non-violent and appropriate consequences and follow through so your child learns that violence is unacceptable.
If your child doesn't respond to any of these strategies, it may indicate that there is a deeper problem. Check in with your child's school — there may be issues with your child's friends or teachers.
Consider professional support, such as from:
- your doctor
- school counsellors
- teachers
- mental health professionals
They can give you and your teenager effective strategies to deal with violent or aggressive behaviour.
FIND A HEALTH SERVICE — The Service Finder can help you find doctors, pharmacies, hospitals and other health services.
Resources and support
There are several professional resources that you and your teen can access to help manage difficult emotions during puberty.
- Beyond Blue — call 1300 22 4636 for confidential telephone counselling.
- Headspace — call 1800 650 890 for support online or by phone.
- Kids Helpline — call 1800 55 1800 for free (even from a mobile), for confidential online and phone counselling service for people aged 5 to 25 years.
- ReachOut — offers a wide range of support options for young people and their parents.
- 1800RESPECT — call 1800 737 732 for support for anyone impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.